Scared to leave house

How many of you feel like you have an impending doom hangin over your head all of the time? You wake up and it is the same doom every day. This doom is anxiety in my life. I have suffered from it and am learning to really live with it.

I feel like Superman being able to living with anxiety. I go to work and get other things done with it. I feels like a full time job, but i have no choice. Every aspect of life is touched by it. Having this doesn't mean I am paralyzed by it, but it makes life somewhat harder.

I get up and make sure no one got in the house. I do this by making sure the door is still locked and the shoe I put in front of the door is still there. I learned that one watching some Clint Eastwood years ago.

Then it is on to taking my pills. I have to make sure that I take it ok and don't drop it.

Moving on to making my lunch. I have to make sure that any new packages of food are in theirr air tight containers. If something looks like it is open I don't touch it.

Then it is time to leave for the day. I have to mark what is in my pockets to make sure I don't drop anything. Leaving the house takes some time also. All through this and what I mentioned before, I am writing it down, to make sure I did it all.

On and on throughout the day I have to do more checks. This has to do with paying bills, going to the store, and locking the car door. All of this takes serious mind power and energy, but I do it quickly and go on my way.

As wierd as it sounds, I am living more now than ever. I have hope down the line on getting better, but for now I am getting happier. Maybe that is what I meant when I call this blog anxiety to life/living.


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